The Day-Old Crouton

Meeting Bachelor #10 for lunch a half hour away from my workplace seemed like a good idea when I agreed to do so. I’m not sorry that I went, but the meeting merely reinforced my desire for and enjoyment of my sweet and sexy jalapeno (who is taking me out for sushi and dancing Saturday night – our second date).

Before I proceed, you need to know that I am a teacher.

After teaching two classes (and having to kick students out for not being prepared – always disappointing, but I have high standards and this sets the precedent for the rest of the semester as the remaining students look at each other in shock and awe), I sped down the highway to arrive at the restaurant in the nearby city. Handily finding a parking space on a cross-street, I arrived at 11:30 – right on time. We had decided via email on the 11:30-11:45am range to meet. Bachelor #10 gave me his number, but I didn’t give him mine (because I knew going in I was just curious and not overly interested, just hoping to meet an interesting man and have a good lunch at one of my favorite local restaurants).

I sat on a bench inside the establishment’s front door and waited. 11:45 came and went. 11:50. 11:55. Noon. I wondered how long I should wait before I considered myself having been stood up. I decided on 12:15 as the cutoff time. At 12:05, Bachelor #10 walked in the door, looking every bit the harried and successful businessman that I suspected him to be. We were escorted to a booth, wherein the following exchange began…

Oh wait. No. There was no initial exchange because he immediately got on his phone and started talking to someone, probably his secretary, making arrangements for his upcoming trip to Thailand.

This call took about five minutes, during which time, the server came over and looked at me and I exchanged a look with him that said, “seriously?!” I had his sympathy. He retreated momentarily until the uber-busy exec finally ended his call and turned to me to ask, “So you went to a liberal college?”

I could tell by his accent that he wasn’t American-born, but given his looks, and not being an accent expert, I couldn’t discern exactly which country he hailed from.

“I went to a liberal arts college, yes.”

He shook his head, almost sadly. “But it was a LIBERAL college, correct?”

At this point, I was confused, wondering if there was some cultural/language/communication barrier that I crossed over when I walked in the door. My expression reflected my confusion, my brow somewhat knitted as I thought about how easy it was to talk to my jalapeno even though his accent is considerably thicker….

I responded, “What do you mean?”

“Well, you went to a liberal college and yes, got a liberal arts degree, and teach at a liberal school, but you are too young to be teaching.”

Now I was really confuzzled. WTF?!

I frowned and said, “I’m 4x years old. What do you mean, I’m too young to teach?!”

He smiled sadly and shook his head, as though he just felt sorry for my obvious ineptitude and inadequate grasp on reality as he responded, “I mean that you are young and have so much to offer, you should be doing something to contribute to society.”

……

I’ll give you a moment.

…..

Your face probably looks like mine did in that moment.

I still feel an instinctive vitriol rising up my throat as I typed that statement, the memory of hearing it flooding my emotional centers with bile.

I even told my 1:30pm students what he said and they were decidedly horrified.

Anywho. Based on this comment, Bachelor #10 will hereafter be known as “The Day-Old Crouton,” for his stale attitude, crusty statements, and general lack of appeal.

My response to his “contribute to society” statement was to physically recoil back into my seat, put my hand on the table and say, “Excuse me? You don’t think that teaching is contributing to society? Are you serious?!”

He’s lucky I didn’t slap him and walk out. But I was hungry. And morbidly curious about where this line of questioning was headed.

He proceeded to give me a ten-minute lecture on the virtues of business and how BUSINESS actually runs and benefits the world more than the public sector. That people in higher education have no perspective on what makes the world work, that his professors when he got his PhD in economics only had theories and had no practical applications or skills to teach him. The private sector works with but is not dependent on the public sector; in fact, the country would probably be better off without a socialist public sector unless it was run by businesses. The free market is where it’s at, don’tcha know?!?! And as we get older, by the way, we need to let go of our idealistic, liberal tendencies and become more crotchety and conservative in our thinking and actions.

I felt like I was being lectured by my dad (except that my dad is proud of my accomplishments and doesn’t insult them).

Ew.

Skeeva.

I smiled ever so mildly, nodded, and wondered how fast I could eat my spinach salad.

The Day-Old Crouton is also clearly used to getting his way, as he got frustrated reading the menu and just told the server to bring him a burger on a salad bed – not something on the menu. What a pain in the ass.

The remaining conversation wasn’t unbearable because we started talking about travel, as well as the art form that I practice. I also revealed my business background to him and he suddenly seemed relieved, as though I’d told him that yes, sir, your tumor IS operable and you will survive after all.

He’s been all over the world, owns two businesses (one with a plant in Shanghai), and is from Crete. Once I found that out, all I could think about was the Greek father in My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Well, that and I wondered if this is how older Greek men woo women? By insulting their intelligence, education, career, and giving lectures on the brilliance of conservative economics?

I noticed that he sent me an email last night, so I just opened it to find a nice note thanking me for lunch and about it being a pleasure to meet “such an attractive, fiesty, Irish” teacher, along with more words of advice, via his “patron saint,” Audrey Hepburn:

“For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run their fingers through it once each day. For poise, walk with the knowledge that you never walk alone.

“People, even more than things, have to be restored, revived, reclaimed, and redeemed; never throw out anyone. Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, you will find one at the end of each of your arms. As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, and one for helping others.”

Do I really look like the kind of woman who requires or wants a lecture? I already have a father, thank you very much. And if things don’t work out with the jalapeno (who is my age), I will no longer be dating anyone 11 years my senior. Not even out of curiosity.

And so into the dustbin of my personal dating history goes The Day-Old Crouton and his odd, lecturing, pro-business, conservative ways.